Kids, Are your parents getting divorced?
You are not alone. In just Linn County, almost 500 couples with kidsget divorced every year. These divorces affect 1,800 kids.

Here are some things you should know about divorce:

• It is not your fault. Divorce is never a child’s fault. Your parents may have fought a lot. They may even have disagreed about the best way to raise you. You did not cause these arguments. Divorce happens because adults cannot work some of their problems out.
• You will get to spend time with both of your parents. Your parents will work out a schedule that they think is best for you. If they cannot agree, they will ask a judge to make a schedule for them. Some kids live with one parent half the time and the other parent half the time. Some kids spend most of their time with one parent.
• You will not have to choose where you want to live. You do not have to talk to the judge if you do not want to. You will not be in the courtroom with your parents.
• You don’t have to take sides with your mom or your dad. You can still get along with both of them, even if they don’t get along with each other. You can tell them, “I love you both.”
• Kids do not decide which parent they will live with. You only get to decide where you want to live once you are 18. But your wishes do matter and the judge should consider what you want in making a decision about custody. If you have strong feelings about where you want to live, you should ask your parents if you can have your own lawyer.
• Divorce is a big loss. It is okay to feel angry, sad, guilty, frustrated, or disappointed. There are good and bad ways to express your feelings. If you would like some ideas about positive ways to express your feelings, talk to your school counselor or a therapist.
• Some kids want to know “the truth” about why their parents divorced. There are probably many reasons your parents divorced. They might give you different reasons why they got divorced because each may have their own reasons. It does not mean they are lying. Some parents may not really know why they want a divorce.
• Hopefully, your parents will not fight as much once they are divorced. If your mom and dad say bad things in front of you about each other, you can tell them to stop. You should not have to hear your parents argue. You might want to draw a picture or write a poem about how you feel when they fight and show it to them.
• Divorce takes a long time. The divorce might take more than a year! Your parents might have to go to court to talk to the judge several times before everything is decided.

Books
This is a list of books about divorce for kids:

My Parents Are Getting Divorced: A Handbook by and for Kids
by the American Bar Association

For Elementary School
What in the World Do You Do When Your Parents Divorce?: A Survival Guide for Kids, Roberta Beyer & Kent Winchester. Explains divorce for kids ages 7-12.

My Mom and Dad Are Getting a Divorce, Florence Bienenfeld. Studies how a young girl and her parents cope with divorce. Ages 9-12.

Priscilla Twice, Judith Caseley. About a little girl whose parents get divorced. Ages 5-8.

DeDe Takes Charge! Johanna Hurwitz. A 5th grade girl survives divorce. Ages 9-12.

How It Feels When Parents Divorce, Jill Krementz. Photos and interviews with children of divorce. Grade 4+.

What Can I Do? A Book for Children of Divorce, Danielle Lowry. Children's narrative offers solutions for the feelings and issues associated with divorce. Ages 9-12.

Playing It Smart: What to Do When You're on Your Own, Tova Navarra. Practical advice for children who find themselves home alone. Grades 4-7.

I Want Answers and a Parachute, P.J. Petersen. Two brothers visit their father for the first time after his remarriage. Grades 3-5.

Fat Fanny, Beanpole Bertha, and the Boys, Barbara Ann Porte. Two girls learn to cope with absent parents. Grades 4-6.



For Middle School
The Kids Guide to Divorce, J.P. Brogan. A discussion for teens about potential divorce-related problems.

Cracker Jackson, Betsy Byars. A story dealing with the topics of divorce and domestic violence. Grades 5-7.

Dear Mr. Henshaw, Beverly Cleary. A boy writes about the problems of divorce and having to move to a new school. Grades 4-6.

Strider, Beverly Cleary. Sequel to Dear Mr. Henshaw. The boy, now 14, shares custody of an adopted dog with his friend. Grades 5-8.

The Day the Loving Stopped: A Daughter's View of Her Parents' Divorce, Julie List. The author writes about childhood experiences of her parents' divorce.

Why Are We Getting a Divorce? Peter Mayle. Why parents get divorced, how children can deal with the changes. Ages 9-12.

The Solomon System, Phillis Naylor. Two brothers realize that their relationship will change when their parents get divorced. Ages 9-12.

Divorce Happens to the Nicest Kids: A Self-Help Book for Kids, Michael Prokop. Honest explanations for kids about divorce issues. Ages 9-12.

Divorce Is Not the End of the World: Zoe's and Evan's Coping Guide for Kids, Zoe, Evan, & Ellen Sue Stern. A teenage brother and sister write about their parents' divorce and offer tips to other children with insights added by their mom. Ages 9-12.



Other Websites
For teens www.kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/families/divorce.html
For all Kids www.itsnotyourfault.org/

For definitions of court words & activities: www.kidsturn.org